here, and depression sets in

Ok, here’s a secret. Figure this is what blogs are for, right? A window to the soul and all that. So here it is:

I am a big cry baby. A big softee. Movies do it, books do it, life does it…movies do it allot. I cry at tragic love stories. When someone sacrifices themselves to save someone they love, I get choked up. Honestly. It is almost embarrassing. 

Tonight I watched a bootleg movie tonight (jeez, they are everywhere over here, $2 and I can see a movie within a week of it opening in the US theaters). A movie called “Keith” about these two kids, one a pretty ‘it’ girl with everything going for her and a no name loser of a kid. They fall in love, and as she falls deeper into his world, things begin to go wrong, mainly because of what he is going through. This movie reminded me of “A Walk to Remember” only, I think, not as good or as emotionally tragic in scope. I felt that the boys erractic behavoir sort of stymied the movie and prevented me form really connecting with him, too often I asked myself, why would she go back, he acts like an ass at times.

Sort of funny really, someone I know says that I can be emotionally bankrupt, like a rock. Emotionally empty and unable to express myself, yet when I see something in a movie, it gets me. I don’t get it. Bruce Willis sacrifices himself in Armageddon, when he says goodbye to his daughter over the screen and then turns it off….gets me everytime. The final moments in Gladiator, when Maximus has sacrificed himself to revenge his wife and son…..yep. William Wallace is ripped apart and he sees his wife in his last failing moments…check. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. In the movie theater, or at home, I will try to hide it. I am a man, damn it. Cannot tear up at a silly movie! Why have I been cursed in such a way? Why, oh God, why? Usually a cough, or a quick trip to the bathroom will do it and save me from the embarassement. Someday, my wife will catch me, and endless teasing will ensue…for the rest of my life. Then I will be forever removed from watching movies with her, which will undoubtedly suit her just fine.

Anyway, this brings me to my point, my real point. I would like to write something, just one thing, that causes someone reading it or watching it in a movie, to be moved emtionally. If something I wrote made someone stop, have to swallow down a tear, blink their eyes and look away…I would consider myself a success. I don’t know what I would write, or even if I am qualified to write something like that, I almost think one must experience something great once in their life to be able to put emotions that strong down onto paper. Things like that just don’t come from nowhere, right? I mean, one must experience extreme emotional valleys and mountains to be able to gather up from within the ability to make others understand the deep feelings present in a story.

Then again, I am just an old softee…

 

Ok, going to go watch American Beauty.

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