You know I am a sucker for punishment. I passed the Star Tours ride at Disney (unfortunately closed due to renovation…unfortunate because it was not complete and I could not ride it!) and since then I have had Star Wars on my mind. I will admit this up front, what follows is whiny bitchiness blogging. You were warned.
So I sat down today and skipped over Episode I (hey, I am not that much of a sucker for self inflicted pain) and started watching Episode II and I realized something when speak on the new trilogy:
All the Jedi are freaking morons. Every single one of them.
I was 5 when Star Wars (the REAL Episode 1 came out and I thought Jedi were the end-all-be-all of kickassery. Nothing was cooler than a Jedi. Did kids want to be ninjas? No. Did kids want to be cowboys? No. Astronautic adventurers? No. Pirates? No nononono. Jedi were the shanizzle before shanizzle existed. I am sure at some point in my pree-teen years I was certain that if I could get my hands on a lightsaber I could rule the world.
Jedi are awesome in the first three films. Do you remember them making mistakes? Did Yoda screw up? Heck no. He doubted Luke but he was confident in his own abilities all the way. What about Kenobie? He sacrifices himself so Luke, Han and Leia can escape. Did he doubt himself or make stupid decisions? Nope, confident and assertive the entire time. So let’s sum that up, our case study from the first three films is that Jedi are smart, calculating, strong and confident gentlemen warriors.
In Episode II, inside the first five minutes of the film, that retard Mace is tossing out stupid theories about spice miners and not Count Dooku (what a dumb name, come on Lucas!) were to blame because no Jedi is a murderer. Oh yeah, no Jedi could ever turn bad! Isn’t that sort of the deal, being tempted to the Dark Side, surely some had fallen to this in the past?!?! And how is it that Yoda, Mace and the other two or three Jedi with them cannot tell that the Chancellor is really a Sith Lord when he is 5 feet from them! Come on! I will say if you watch Yoda, his facial expression seems to reflect that he feels something is up. The little bugger knew something was up.
Next we cut to Anakin telling Obi how he rescued his master from a trap. Pfftt! Can you imagine Luke and Yoda joking around about how Luke pulled Yoda’s little green ass from the Dagoba swamp? Not in a million years. Three minutes later, that punk Anie is questioning Obi’s decisions. HA! If he were my padawan, he would be peeling potatoes for weeks and doing 600 push ups every morning.
Minutes later, they are using Padme as a decoy and Anakin literally states that he can sense everything going on in the room….yeah except the droid cutting through the window (ok go ahead and say it is a robot and hence not alive, so it would not disturb the Force), dropping two deadly millipedes into the room (Force disturbance! hello!), and them attempting to kill her. Then in the next second the little twerp again questions the master. Good lord, someone pull him over their lap and spank this kid. So we have these deadly millipedes that are apparently intelligent because they out think R2D2, if they are intelligent, I would think the great Jedi sense would sense them. Makes sense right?
Anyway, on to my real point here. I think some of the ill will people feel about the second Star Wars trilogy has to do with how Lucas took our childhood icon and took away their awesomeness. Like I stated before, Jedi were right up there with noble medieval knights, they were powerful but lived by a code, and protected the weak. They never made mistakes, never failed and above all were heroic.
The same can be said of the Jedi Order. In the original series the Jedis were mythic, impossible to doubt, but here the Jedi Council makes repeated errors in judgement…which I seriously blame for the Empire being formed. After all, the Jedi were completely tricked throughout the entire series. Blindly believing in the ‘prophecy’ which will bring balance to the Force. Their records are deleted, yet no one is overly concerned about this apparent breach in their security. Then to protect the senator, they send her off with a hot headed, young apprentice — who they even admit has issues! Yeah, sounds like a stupid plan. Then, our brilliant Jedi Obi-Wan cannot figure out why he cannot find a planet, so a youngling under Yoda, maybe 8 years old figures it out. Wow!
I almost don’t want the Jedi to be my protectors!
It seems to me that Jedi originally were gentlemen knights, above petty and average things, but in the later films they become flawed and dare I say, normal, not so much the heroes they used to be. Was this Lucas’ intent, or merely a sign of our times. Look at movies today and try to find a hero that is not flawed, it’s all the rage!
Ok, I will stop ranting and raving about it, I probably have wandered off course too much anyway, but I still stand by the fact that Lucas destroyed the Jedi. 😉
You cannot image the power of the Dark Side!